Birthday Confessions of a 1 Year Old

1. I don’t really understand what a birthday is, but judging by the behaviour of all the grown-ups on my birthday I think it must be a day when grown-ups behave like children. Like when Daddy ran around the garden with the giant bubbles and Mummy and Daddy’s friends all played with balloons.

2. I was less excited about my big, special first birthday cake than I was about the Ella’s Kitchen melty puff snacks that I eat all the time.

3. I don’t understand why all the grown-ups insisted on staring at me and singing that repetitive ‘Happy Birthday’ song. Especially as none of them can sing.

4. Balloons are excellent fun. Why don’t we have them in our house all the time?

5. I’m not sure why Mummy and Daddy kept encouraging me to rip paper off lots of boxes like a wanton vandal. Usually when I rip and ravage things they tell me off and give me ‘the look’. The one day I decided to play nicely with my toys instead they seemed very disappointed. Grown-ups are strange.

6. Mummy says the photos of my birthday party will make me look like a little diva because I had an outfit change halfway through. It was actually just because I decided to do an explosive poo. When you gotta go, you gotta go!

7. It was very fun having all my other baby friends in our house together at one time, as well as a few bigger children and lots of my favourite grown-ups. So many people to play with at once!

8. Apparently Mummy loves putting big shiny decorations everywhere for birthdays. Or rather, making Daddy put big shiny decorations everywhere. At my birthday party there was a very big ‘number 1’ on the front lawn, bunting and balloon banners in the garden and more balloons and hanging decorations inside. I’m not really sure what the point of all these things was but they seemed to make Mummy happy.

9. Even more than usual, at my birthday party Mummy and Daddy kept taking photos of me all day. Photos of me while they sang that silly song, photos of me next to the big cake, photos of me next to that big number 1 in the garden, photos of me with my friends. (Especially when I was with my friend that Mummy refers to as ‘my girlfriend’ – her mummy and my mummy are always making us have photos together and they both just say ‘awww’ over and over again. It’s quite embarrassing.)

I think I must have been the most photographed baby in the country on my birthday. It was like living with the paparazzi.

10. Although it was all a bit strange I have decided I like birthdays. Apparently everybody has a birthday once a year so I will have another birthday next year. It is Mummy’s birthday soon… I wonder if grown-ups birthdays are the same?

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