I am convinced everyone venturing into the world of mother and baby groups will have thought most (if not all) of these things to themselves at some point. What would you add to the list?
1. My baby is by far the best looking baby in this room. Well done, genes! *smug face*
2. In the early days, when you first start going and even just getting out of the house and to group feels like a great achievement: ‘How does everyone else here make it look so easy?’
3. I feel like a prize twit. Thank God my non-parent friends can’t see me right now. (Whilst singing The Grand Old Duke of York and doing such ridiculous actions that you could give Justin Fletcher a run for his money.)
4. Thank God I’m not the only one who looks like they’ve had 3 hours of sleep, recycled a less-than-clean outfit from the laundry basket and not washed my hair in days.
5. (Spotting the woman you got stuck next to last week and who bored you to death) ‘Please don’t sit next to me… please don’t sit next to me…’
6. How does everyone else know all the Makaton signs? Have they been practicing at home?
7. Looking around the room at the available resources during free-play time: ‘Now what will make for the most interesting photo opp…. BALL PIT!’ (Of course I’m kidding. I’m not a terrible mother. You will actually think to yourself ‘Now what will make for the most educational, stimulating, sensory play item… Of course, the ball pit!’ And you wouldn’t dream of spending 10 minutes adjusting the balls to get them just right so that you can take the most adorable photo that you will then send to everyone you know. Honestly. *ahem*)
8. Once you’re a seasoned pro and a new rookie Mum starts, looking like a deer in the headlights: ‘I was you a few months ago! It’s going to get easier, I promise!’ (In fact hopefully you won’t keep schtum about this thought – share it with her and you’ll probably give her a really good boost!)
9. I can smell poop. I hope my baby isn’t responsible. (This is the point at which you, along with several other mothers in the vacinity, will surreptitiously lift up your babies to nose level to do a quick sniff check.)
10. (Whilst looking at a desperate mother trying to stop her baby from screaming their lungs out.) Thank God that’s not me today.